From June 10th 2022:
And here’s the thing with chronic illness – you can’t just go for a trip away, with a worry-free mindset. Not even to spend a few days with family. Excited – definitely! But not worry free.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s absolutely bloody fantastic to be here at my Mum’s. I love spending time with her. We’re really close, and have lots of fun activities lined up to do with my boy – who is equally as excited to see his Grandma.
But there’s always that worry of, ‘will I be well enough to do X activity, and if I am well enough, will the payback in symptoms make me too ill to do Y activity? Should I priorities the activity I want to do most? But what does everyone else want to prioritise?’
It can be stressful – however, for me personally, it’s definitely worth the travel and the risk to my health. I’m grateful to my body for even giving me the option nowadays.
After being housebound, often bedridden for 3 years, I’m like a dog with its head out of a car window just going to the fucking supermarket. Human interaction? Yes please! Way too much enthusiasm on my part at the checkout because I’m still not over the novelty of finally getting my independence back 1.5 years ago? Hell yeah!!
But that’s not to say that things are easy. It’s not. I really miss being able to go places and make plans, without everything being ‘subject to my health on the day’. And it’s not easy for the people around me either. It’s hard for them too, always dealing with the uncertainty of whether our fun-packed plans will actually happen or not. I was hoping to spend time with my mum tonight, after putting my son to bed … but instead, I am in bed too, hoping I’ll be okay for our plans tomorrow.
Because the tomorrow that I took for granted as a healthy person, is no longer guaranteed now I’m sick.
However, whatever tomorrow brings – I know it’ll still be a lovely day, because frankly, my Mum is fantastic.
Remember, if you’re interested in my story, you can read it at My Story with POTS and M.E. – chronicallycraptastic.com
