So, I’m in this not-so-fun predicament today where I kinda need to choose between my partner (Pete) or my five-year-old son (O).
See, I have a bitchin cold at the moment. Yesterday I felt like my eyeballs were going to explode out of my eye sockets (even with my eyes shut), my head was pounding, and my face felt like it was being smothered with a brick. Combined with crippling physical and mental ME and POTS fatigue, poor sleep … and it’s fair to say I had to spend the day in bed yesterday.
Boo-hoo, poor me … I know.
Anyways, so today I am on the mend. Thank God for that. But, on the mend is not the same as back to my version of ‘normal.’ No siree. Today, I still feel crap and need a lot of rest. Problem is, today is a special day.
Today is the seven-year anniversary of mine and Pete’s first date. And we have dinner reservations tonight. I can only recall one other time during this chronic illness shit-show when we have gone out for our anniversary … and that was six years ago. So, fair to say – we have both been looking forward to tonight. A LOT.
Now, I feel like maaaaybe I could try and push myself to keep our plans tonight. I mean, with any luck, the adrenaline would kick in and carry me through (ahhhh, adrenaline. That lovely temporary antidote to M.E). Except, as anyone with M.E knows all too well … it’s really no picnic when the adrenaline wears off, and your health deteriorates faster than a chocolate fire guard.
Still, I could potentially live with those consequences over the weekend – except, I have plans with O tomorrow. We have tickets to see his favourite children’s singer/songwriter, Nick Cope. And O is VERY excited about this. However, O has seen Nick Cope before, so it wouldn’t be the end of the world if we missed it.
… fuck, who am I kidding. It would DEFINITELY be the end of the world. For O at least.
So, who should I let down – Pete or O?
If you’re thinking, ‘potentially both of them’ – you are right.
At the end of the day, whether I like it or not (I don’t like it) … I have to rest and look after myself. Because if I don’t, then I’ll be letting both Pete and O down even more in the long run.
It sucks balls, but it’s true.
So, Pete and I can celebrate our anniversary tonight over a big fat mug of disappointment – and a side of fries. Then hopefully (🤞🤞), the extra rest today will mean I’m well enough for O tomorrow … and importantly, for both Pete AND O in the long run.