M.E can mean – regularly questioning whether I’ve been imagining the whole thing all along … for SIX YEARS.
It’s got to be one of the biggest head fucks out there, and goes a little like this:
I feel pretty good today, so I did (insert activity).
(Wakes up next day): Uuuugh, I feel like death. I hate M.E.
(Anything from one day to a few weeks later): Phew, I feel better again now – so I’m going to do (insert activity) today.
(Wakes up the next day): I feel … fine. Or at least, fine for me. In fact, I’m sure I don’t normally feel this fine. So, wtf? Am I cured? Was I ever sick? Am I still sick? Have I been a burden to everyone around me for the last six years needlessly?! Did I flush my life down the toilet for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING???
(Does exact same activity again) ….
(Wakes up the next day): Nope. I wasn’t imagining it. Definitely still sick. Feel like utter death.
And repeat cycle. Except with total unpredictability about which times I’ll feel fine after an activity vs times I won’t.