Ooooh, I REALLY wanted to take O to the Junior Park Run yesterday (an organised 2k run for children). My mind felt totally ready. My body felt a little tired – but for the most part, I could feel the dregs of Saturday’s adrenaline still clinging to my body like a limpet, egging me on.
O had his 5th birthday party on Saturday, and we went BIG (well, you’re only 5 once 😉). He loves to dance, and wanted a disco. So, we found a company that hosts the most epic children’s disco parties in a venue strongly resembling a nightclub (except minus the sticky floor and faint whiff of vomit). The music was pumping, there were dancing games (with prizes), a smoke machine, foam blast, glow sticks. It was like a student night out – except for kids. They LOVED it!
… And honestly, so did I.
I loved dancing and socialising before getting sick. And because I seldom do it anymore, the adrenaline was coursing through my body like a tidal wave and I was buzzing! It’s crazy to think I used to feel like I needed alcohol to truly ‘let go’ and bust some shapes on the dancefloor when I was younger. How little I knew. Pans out, all I ever needed was my health. And since that’s a bit sketchy these days (to say the least!), what I need in its absence is … adrenaline.
The thing with adrenaline and ME/POTS is, it lulls us into a false sense of security. It can make us feel like we’re not sick anymore, and capable of anything. And if we don’t put the brakes on it ASAP – we become capable of nothing – for days, weeks, sometimes months.
Saturday’s adrenaline remained in my body the whole day and night, giving me a false sense of good health.
Some parents were taking O’s friends to the Junior Park Run yesterday morning, and every Sunday morning going forward, and we were invited. I told them I needed to rest and me and O would join them next weekend. The words nearly choked me, because I really wanted for us to join them yesterday.
But, as hard as it is (and it IS fucking hard) – I know if I’d gone after such a busy and energetic disco on Saturday … then I may not have been able to join them next weekend, or any weekend, for the completely unpredictable future.
People with ME may be severely lacking in energy. But what we lack in get-up-and-go, we compensate for with superhuman levels of willpower and lie-down-and-rest. And THIS is how we get shit done 😊
Have you had to reign yourself in lately, and put your adrenaline back in its box?