It’s that time of year again. And I don’t mean Chris Rea starting his drive home for Christmas at the stroke of midnight on Halloween, Ho-Ho-Ho.
No, I mean every October my ME gets a little worse and I start wracking my brain to figure out why.
Details“F**k, I don’t feel so good. I really need to sit or lie down. Like, RIGHT NOW.
This is what goes through my head every time I find myself in a situation where I need to have a meaningful conversation whilst standing up.
But … why is that?
Details“You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”
“… But, what if I’m not? What then?”
Those are the thoughts racing through my head, as I fight back the tears and terror of never knowing if today will be the day that I relapse.
DetailsA few weeks ago, I downloaded the NHS Couch to 5K app. I had this ‘great’ idea that I would ease myself into running – and I was going to fucking ACE it! Unsurprisingly, it didn’t exactly go to plan.
DetailsSometimes it’s just: Nice to wear makeup and straighten my hair.Nice to be out in the fresh air, doing ‘normal’ things.Nice to go on a group play date, and the other mums have zero clue I’ve been in bed crashing for most of the last 3 days.Nice to feel vaguely human again after said crash.Nice…
DetailsA few years ago, when my ME/POTS was Severe, I could only dream of doing the things I can now. Still, when it comes to sharing my joys and triumphs on social media … I always feel a bit guilty.
DetailsI REALLY wanted to take O to the Junior Park Run yesterday. My mind felt totally ready. My body felt a little tired – but – I could feel the dregs of Saturday’s adrenaline still clinging to my body like a limpet, egging me on to do it.
DetailsME/POTS has definitely altered my priorities in life and imposed limitations on my capabilities. However, I am still the same person I always was in terms of personality and lust for life.
Still, something (well, someone) has changed:
… Pete.
Details“When you first got sick, did you worry I would leave you?”
Pete asked me this recently, when he was in bed with a virus and I was looking after him.
DetailsO can’t possibly be starting school. We need more time, because, well … I’m not done making up for the time we lost.
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