Showering: self-care or self-sabotage?

I woke up the other morning feeling relaxed. In hindsight, a little toooo relaxed. Sometimes, I can’t quite tell the difference between ‘lazy Sunday morning’ relaxed, and ‘your body doesn’t feel like doing much because you’re chronically ill and fresh out of spoons’ relaxed.

Anyways, in the absence of any obvious clues (and my blinkers on around the less obvious ones) … I decided I was the former. And, despite how cosy my sofa and bed were looking, I wanted a shower and wasn’t going to let a bit of laziness stop me. So, I got my arse into gear, and made myself have one.

… And regretted it.

Pans out, I wasn’t ‘lazy Sunday morning relaxed’ after all. I was fresh out energy. Like a bank account with a nil balance, showering took my body massively overdrawn. This is how showering works when I’m in an energy debt due to my ME/POTS:

– It feels like a really grim endurance test that seems to last FOREVER. I need to get it over with quickly so I can go lie down. I need to rest so badly, BUT, my body seems to move in utter sloooooow motion, and there’s no fast forward button.

– The relief of finally lying down afterwards feels way more rewarding than the fact my hair is clean and my body isn’t hum-dinging anymore.

– Getting up again is SO hard when I just don’t have the energy to move. But changing out of my towel and into my softest snuggliest – and importantly – warm – pyjamas is what my body needs. So (eventually) … I push myself to do it.

– Drying my hair so I don’t freeze to death has never felt so hard. My hairdryer feels heavy as a brick. My hand moves it around my head in what feels like torturous slow motion. Much like the shower, it seems to take FOREVER.

– Lying back down again afterwards is bliss. God, the relief. Utter heaven.

So, ummm, yeah. It sounds counterintuitive, but it pans out for people with ME/POTS, sometimes NOT showering is a form of self-care. Who’da thunk?!

Therefore – if you ever smell me coming towards you, please congratulate me on my great energy-saving and self-care skills by not showering in a while. Oh, and please do marvel at my slicker than snot hair. 😃